My Suicide Note.

I've been thinking about this video I made over a year ago. It's the video that really helped me through a really though time in my life. I lost almost everything and moved to a place I never wanted to go to. I guess I want to show people where I was at when I wrote this video.

I felt like I was in the darkest moment in my life and felt useless to everyone around me, I wanted to feel useless. I've given up in many ways and the only thing I really did was read the Dexter books and listen to the audio books. Every thought of Dexter didn't help me move on since my ex showed me Dexter.

This video was a suicide note to all my friends and family. That was my first intention for the video and everything changed when I finished it. The video didn't take long at all to make and it was really second nature to me.

After I finished the video I felt extremely excited and giddy. I made a master piece, a master piece of darkness. I loved it and I loved the feeling. I felt like I made the best thing ever and one of the darkest things ever. I reminded myself why I loved life so much, I wanted to create things like this. I want to make things for people to relate to and to know that everything is ok. It helped me so much to finally get this off my chest. The feeling was so powerful that I wanted to make more and more.

I wanted to stay around and make things.

Now, I'm in Maryland working at American Eagle and Hot Topic making videos, music and art work. I've met more great friends that I call family and I have a great girlfriend that thinks about me day and night. I'm making money and I've regained all the things I sold off and more. I'm very happy and I'm happy a lot. I have the best roommate slash best friend and a girlfriend that is always there for me through really tough times. I have had some rough trials and I got through them with out forgetting why I want to live.

I want to create stuff and I am.